dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
