If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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