when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
