Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dicks are not precious.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
