I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
