Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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