Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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