That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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