Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My ATM looks so different sober.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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