It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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