I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
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