I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
