dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
