watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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