I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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