drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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