Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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