Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He passed out mid-signature
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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