I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
