SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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