I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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