she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
And then he peed in my hair
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