I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
