I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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