its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
