You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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