Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
