are you so shy because you have an std?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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