Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
