Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
