worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Slut skills are useful in every country.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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