She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
