You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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