I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
