how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
