I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
