I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
