you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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