He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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