my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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