Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize