we made out on top of his cat.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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