there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
