The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
