dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
