I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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