I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
