Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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