considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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