the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
