We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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