I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
