Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
