I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
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For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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