i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
