so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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