Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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