When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
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I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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