I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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