he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
