Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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