I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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