I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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