One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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