i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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